why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
