Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
