The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
