My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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