I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
