its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
