i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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