Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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