I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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