ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize