I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
