last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize