I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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