The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
