And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
