hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
