The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Randomize
