i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
