Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
