The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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