but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
