Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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