Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize