there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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