you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
