There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
