I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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