Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
