Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
