i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize