So drunk its hurt
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
