Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
