Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
