Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
