Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
