my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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