So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
BRING THE BAGELS
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
