The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
you never un-have a 4some
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
