i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize