Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize