a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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