thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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