Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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