So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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