im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
This baby is an asshole
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
