You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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