Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
sex in a hospital.. check
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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