The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
