The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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