I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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