Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
