I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
