accomplished twins. life is a go
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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