1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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