What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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