wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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