i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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