I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
