Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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