Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
