i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Also, beer. Big fan.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
