Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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