I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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