Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
