he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
