he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
