She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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