I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i will never coherently bang her
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
