Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
