i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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