then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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