My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
