And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
We had to coat check the pizza.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
