can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
