maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
