and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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