He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
