so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
