There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
