I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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