That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
