Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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