just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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