i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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