well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
