The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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