I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
