I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
