Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
