Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
