i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
