fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
