he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
