Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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