bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
