I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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