Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize