i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
