don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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